I have sort of been off the radar for the last few months blog-wise. It was sort of an unintentional break. I last wrote about all the things I wanted to do in the lead up til Christmas (wow, Christmas seems so long ago now!) Well these plans were sort of cut short by the birth of my beautiful niece 9 days early on 16th December. She is absolutely beautiful and so perfect, and I can’t even express how happy I am that she is here. My sister and brother in law are the most incredibly natural parents.. I have no idea how they know what they are doing, but they are literally amazing and little Lexi is just scrumptious!
On the suject of babies, my trainer Jo had her baby on 4th January and her baby is just as perfect as well! I love that I have these two beautiful little girls in my life now, and I’m not sure what I did pre-baby, because it seems so normal to have a tiny little human around now.
So anyway, that made for an eventful end of 2014/start of 2015, and things were all going quite well. And then for some reason I started to head in a slight downward direction emotionally, and to be honest, the last few months haven’t been great.
I don’t know if I just lost my way since I came back from China, or whether I just let everything get on top of me, but I just completely lost my focus and my motivation. And once I start heading down that road, I find it pretty hard to back track. I got so mad and frustrated about my accident and I started really feeling sorry for myself. It’s very easy to dwell on the unfortunate circumstances of my accident and to feel like a victim. And it is only now that I am coming through this the other side that I can see that there isn’t any good that can come from feeling sorry for myself.
I obviously wasn’t seeing that point of view at the time, and was just busy being angry and sad and frustrated about the past. I went to a few therapy sessions, and then contacted a hypnotherapist who I worked with a couple of times. He gave me some really great insight into the way I feel about myself. We worked on a few techniques (I won’t go into details as it’s quite hard to explain), but I basically created a version of myself that I want to become and I now focus on that.
I can’t change what has happened in the past, but I don’t want to look back in 20 years and regret how I chose to live my life after my accident. I want to make the most of what I still have, as I really do have a lot to be thankful for. Yes I had something major taken away from me, but it is my decision whether I let that ruin my life. I don’t want my life to be dictated by my accident, and I am determined to take back control of my life and achieve things that I want to achieve. There will always be obstacles in my way, but how I tackle them is completely up to me, and I don’t have to let them get me down.
Obviously I won’t be able to remain this positive and upbeat every moment of every day, but I definitely feel in the last few weeks that my outlook has changed. My sister (Pip) also said something to me which sticks in my mind. She said that no one gets success without a whole load of hard work, and I think that it’s so true. No one is handed an easy and successful life, so if I want to achieve then I have to get off my ass and do it! I can’t use my accident as an excuse, and I think on some level I probably have been over the last four years. But I don’t want to anymore, and I have a fresh load of determination and optimism.
So for anyone that has been around the slightly more depressed and negative Suzanne over the last few month, I apologise. I honestly don’t know how my family deal so well with me sometimes, but they are all superstars and they are all always there for me no matter what. I can’t guarantee that I am completely ‘sorted’ now, but I definitely feel a million miles from how I felt a couple of months ago.
And this has all happened in time for my birthday tomorrow, when I will become ANOTHER year older, but thankfully that means another year wiser too!